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How I Got To This Point

Things weren't always bad. I have to keep remembering that or I will beat the hell out of myself. If they had been bad from the start that would mean I am just an idiot. No, at one time they were great - I was in love and happy. It just all changed at some point.

On July 13th I left.

Some would say I had the courage to leave. I don't know that that was it. I just couldn't deal with the shit anymore. I thought if I didn't walk out at that moment the stress was going to kill me. And if I'm gone the kids are with just him. And there was no way I was leaving my 2 kids with him.

We were together 6422 days - 17.5 years.

I decided on March 29th I just couldn't do it anymore. It was another birthday ruined by his shit. Our son's. I started thinking - if it isn't about him he finds a way to make it about him. I could let it slide when the person affected was me - but not one of the kids. That night I purchased the book "I Am Free". I am not even sure how I stumbled on it but I stayed up late into the night reading it.

I was married to a narcissist.

There was a name for what I was dealing with.

For some reason that was so comforting.

The thing was - I was totally alone. I had never spoken to anyone about what my life was really like. Not a single soul. Not my parents. Not my brother. Not my best friend from childhood. Not my best friend from high school. Not my best friend from college. Not my best friend from adulthood. And these were all people I spoke to on a regular basis.

Now I was going to have to tell people.
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