Things weren't always bad. I have to keep remembering that or I will beat the hell out of myself. If they had been bad from the start that would mean I am just an idiot. No, at one time they were great - I was in love and happy. It just all changed at some point. On July 13th I left. Some would say I had the courage to leave. I don't know that that was it. I just couldn't deal with the shit anymore. I thought if I didn't walk out at that moment the stress was going to kill me. And if I'm gone the kids are with just him. And there was no way I was leaving my 2 kids with him. We were together 6422 days - 17.5 years. I decided on March 29th I just couldn't do it anymore. It was another birthday ruined by his shit. Our son's. I started thinking - if it isn't about him he finds a way to make it about him. I could let it slide when the person affected was me - but not one of the kids. That night I purchased the book " I Am Free ". I am not ev